Want a Little Magic in Life? Set a Goal.
Are you tired of reading about New Year’s Resolutions, goals, and the seven hacks that will absolutely change your life? Me, too.
When I open my phone, it’s as if I’m on the losing side of a dodgeball game being pummeled by a deluge of articles telling me how to set goals, be more productive, and live longer. It’s in our Puritanical DNA – that urge to go, do, achieve, and then do it all again. No wonder some of us – My Dear Husband, I’m looking at you – chafe at the notion of writing down resolutions or god forbid – setting goals.
Why are we afraid of goal setting? Is it because we’ll just confirm our suspicions that we aren’t enough? The idea that we need to do more? I don’t know about you, but I never need to read another line about productivity hacks: waking up at 4:30 am to get more done…who are we kidding? Thirty-day pilates challenges so I can fit into my jeans? Spare me.
That said, I admit to being a goal-setting kind of a gal. I used to be embarrassed by this. It didn’t jive with the chill, laid-back attitude of my friends. I’m no longer embarrassed because I’ve realized this:
goals aren’t about achievement.
They are about focus and self-exploration. They are a way to give yourself permission to eliminate distractions and focus on what truly matters to you.
For me, the process of setting goals helps me learn more about who I am and what I value. I reflect on what I love about life, what gives me joy and purpose. I dig into what doesn’t serve me. I ask what I really want and figure out what I need to do to achieve it. That’s the goal-setting part – the part that gives shape and heft to otherwise gossamer dreams.
Goals hold a bit of magic. Kind of like your fairy godmother who helps you make your dreams come true. Only there’s no wand waving. Just a lot of grit, determination, focus, and intention. All of which is part of the alchemy that makes the journey so magical.
In 2024, I set two outsized goals:
To spend ten days hiking the 110-mile loop around Mt. Blanc with a college friend.
To finish writing my memoir, Unpacked, and find an agent.
Hiking Mt. Blanc was a dream hanging out on my vision board for ten years. In 2024, after a good deal of planning and coordination, financial and relationship trade-offs, and training, I finally made it happen. It was an epic trip, you can read about here, one that never would have happened if I hadn’t first set it down as a goal.
Spoiler alert. I didn’t “achieve” my second goal. It’s on the list again this year. Falling short was a reminder that
showing up is what matters, not crossing the finish line.
The writing journey that will eventually help me achieve my goal (I will get there) has been more fulfilling than I could ever have imagined.
I didn’t achieve my goal, but here’s what pursuing a goal did help me achieve: an almost daily writing practice and a community of like-minded writers who’ve become friends, critics, and cheerleaders, helping me hone my craft. I’ve given space to my creativity, attended workshops, discovered new authors, and listened to perspectives I don’t always agree with.
My mind, soul, and community, have been stretched and strengthened.
A writer I admire, Beth Kempton, says, “...Writing requires paradoxical action – to seek without expectation.” That pretty much sums up my relationship to goals. Ironically, setting goals has made me less – not more– focused on achievement. I get so much from the pursuit that I loosen my grip on the outcome.
My Dear Husband is not someone who sets goals. He does; however, have dreams. For years, he’s dreamed of going to Moorea. He’s talked about that idyllic Polynesian island for so long, that I’ve been tempted to present him with a one-way ticket to paradise.
Finally, I told him he either needed to shut up or make it happen. I was pretty confident nothing would come of it. He doesn’t make reservations for dinner let alone book tickets to travel halfway around the world. I was wrong.
2025, he decided, that would be the year he was going to make his dream a reality. Here’s what happened once he set the intention: he discovered that if we opened an Alaska Airlines credit card, we’d earn enough miles to fly to Tahiti. And off we go. Because this dream, like a lot of dreams once they’re put into action, has taken on a life of its own. My guy is never happier than when he’s consorting with tropical fish while snorkeling. But hey, this is Tahiti we’re talking about. Snorkeling is not going to cut it. So, in the interest of a happy marriage, I’m taking scuba diving lessons on Saturdays at the local pool.
I’ll be honest. My Dear Husband has held this dream for so long that part of me wonders if the reality of Moorea will meet his expectations. Is that the real reason we don’t go after what we want – afraid that it won’t be as shiny as we hoped? Perhaps that’s one more reason to release attachment to outcome and expectation and just revel in the whole “the journey is the destination” cliche.
Because, I don’t know about you, but I’d rather die with a bucketful of memories than an unopened box of dreams.
I just love this, and especially the last line. I'm 1000% with you!
I am taking the "seek without expectation" as a new mantra. The joy, the learning, the memory - they are in the journey: the pursuing, the trying and sometimes pushing oneself, as you so eloquently say. When we open up to that and not just the end goal, as you share, we probably have gained so much more than we would have. Thank you for sharing.