I love this so much. It makes me think about the differences between myself and my mom, and how much we have both struggled with that. It also makes me think of the morning she drove me to the airport to fly across the country to college. I know it broke her heart, but she never said a single word about it. She only ever gave me support about that decision.
Such a powerful piece. I’m just at the threshold of this journey with my daughter and your thoughts and revelations about the experience make me feel like I have guide to help me through it.
So honest and smart! I actually posted this in a note a couple of weeks ago. Think you might enjoy:
Love this quote I've had pinned on my bulletin board since my kids were babies. (They're now adults, but I still keep the quote on display.) It's from Carl Semmelroth, Ph. D.
"Parenting is more like gardening than sculpting. Like flowers, children contain the 'plan' for their development. When you plant what you thought was a red tulip and it comes up yellow, you don't spray its blossoms with red paint."
This is a great piece, however, my sadness is in knowing that my kids are a little too much like the person I was when I raised them. Sometimes, when I look at one or two of them (out of four), I realize I made a mess of things. Then I tell myself that they're in their 30's and 40's now and they should have figured out that I was very much wrong in many ways and found their own way. My son is lost at 39, and I know I can't be the one to 'find' him...but I pray every day that he finally finds himself. Letting go for me is letting go of my disappointments in myself for not being the Mom they probably needed.
Your piece also made me want to go to New Mexico! Beautiful photos!
Kirbie, thank you for your honesty. I think you brought up something that is so insightful -- a lot of the sadness and disappointment around parenting is disappointment with ourselves -- that we "didn't do better." It's another thing I need to let go of. And, yes -- New Mexico is gorgeous.
What a gorgeous but painful piece to read during the hours I have been thinking about my mother giving birth to me 63 years ago, and the high expectations she must have had that she was creating a mini-her -- and the many years of disappointment I know she often felt that I was not like her. At. All. All while I was determined not to be to like her. At. All. Except for, of course, for the parts of me that are exactly like her -- which she and I finally figured out, and came to some peace about, many, many decades later. Somewhere in your children, who are still so young, there are many glimpses of their mother, but they won't always surface where you can see them. I see a lot of spirit and sense of adventure in your daughter. I see a ton of brainpower in your son. They might not be using their "essence of Kaarin" in all the ways you would have hoped or predicted, but I sense you will keep inching your way toward detente with the individual people you created. And along the way, I hope they make the same journey of appreciation I did with my own mom :)
Thank you, Shirley. Yes. I don't know why I expected any different with my children since I was constantly at odds with my mom -- wanting her to be someone different than she was -- and proud of how different I was from her -- until, of course, I recognized her in so many of my adult ways of being. Darn!!
Wow…this one really hit home. The revelation that I can just let go (and need to) yet still hold onto the love really changed my perspective. Thank you for your insight.
I love this so much. It makes me think about the differences between myself and my mom, and how much we have both struggled with that. It also makes me think of the morning she drove me to the airport to fly across the country to college. I know it broke her heart, but she never said a single word about it. She only ever gave me support about that decision.
Chloe, thank you. I love that your mom let her "baby bird" fly, knowing it was the right thing to do. Doesn't mean it was any less painful....
Such a powerful piece. I’m just at the threshold of this journey with my daughter and your thoughts and revelations about the experience make me feel like I have guide to help me through it.
But Laura, I've met Olivia and she's perfect. Truly. You'll be fine.....
So honest and smart! I actually posted this in a note a couple of weeks ago. Think you might enjoy:
Love this quote I've had pinned on my bulletin board since my kids were babies. (They're now adults, but I still keep the quote on display.) It's from Carl Semmelroth, Ph. D.
"Parenting is more like gardening than sculpting. Like flowers, children contain the 'plan' for their development. When you plant what you thought was a red tulip and it comes up yellow, you don't spray its blossoms with red paint."
There is power and ownership in your honest writing Kaarin. You can appreciate this work from both sides, as the parent and as the child.
This is a great piece, however, my sadness is in knowing that my kids are a little too much like the person I was when I raised them. Sometimes, when I look at one or two of them (out of four), I realize I made a mess of things. Then I tell myself that they're in their 30's and 40's now and they should have figured out that I was very much wrong in many ways and found their own way. My son is lost at 39, and I know I can't be the one to 'find' him...but I pray every day that he finally finds himself. Letting go for me is letting go of my disappointments in myself for not being the Mom they probably needed.
Your piece also made me want to go to New Mexico! Beautiful photos!
Kirbie, thank you for your honesty. I think you brought up something that is so insightful -- a lot of the sadness and disappointment around parenting is disappointment with ourselves -- that we "didn't do better." It's another thing I need to let go of. And, yes -- New Mexico is gorgeous.
So well written that I could understand and relate it to even though I'm unmarried and have no kids.
Awww. Thank you Aman.
What a gorgeous but painful piece to read during the hours I have been thinking about my mother giving birth to me 63 years ago, and the high expectations she must have had that she was creating a mini-her -- and the many years of disappointment I know she often felt that I was not like her. At. All. All while I was determined not to be to like her. At. All. Except for, of course, for the parts of me that are exactly like her -- which she and I finally figured out, and came to some peace about, many, many decades later. Somewhere in your children, who are still so young, there are many glimpses of their mother, but they won't always surface where you can see them. I see a lot of spirit and sense of adventure in your daughter. I see a ton of brainpower in your son. They might not be using their "essence of Kaarin" in all the ways you would have hoped or predicted, but I sense you will keep inching your way toward detente with the individual people you created. And along the way, I hope they make the same journey of appreciation I did with my own mom :)
Thank you, Shirley. Yes. I don't know why I expected any different with my children since I was constantly at odds with my mom -- wanting her to be someone different than she was -- and proud of how different I was from her -- until, of course, I recognized her in so many of my adult ways of being. Darn!!
So difficult, yet so essential. Beautiful lesson!
Thank you, Audra.
Wow…this one really hit home. The revelation that I can just let go (and need to) yet still hold onto the love really changed my perspective. Thank you for your insight.
Julie -- that doesn't mean it's easy...as I'm sure you know.
Lovely! Interesting that it is so hard to let go but feels so good when you do.
Very freeing. Where's our next trip, Chris?